


Atticus

by Weekesandwentz



Category: Drarry - Fandom, Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Atticus - Freeform, Draco Malfoy - Freeform, Drarry, Gay, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Love, M/M, Suicide, deep meaning, quotes, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 16:05:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14855885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weekesandwentz/pseuds/Weekesandwentz
Summary: Draco quotes Atticus to send Harry a message, but why? A sad oneshot of mixed up messages and feelings between the two boys.





	Atticus

**Author's Note:**

> Hey read the tags. This may be distressing and triggering. This is a oneshot I had an idea of in school and put together tonight. Enjoy <3

We were lying there. Under the pitch black curtain draped over the sky. Night times were always our favourite. Looking up as the milky speckles twirled and danced along the sky in beautiful patterns, it made me feel so small. But I was wrapped in the arms of someone who I loved. Who made me feel everything all at once. I loved Draco, I really did, even when I tell myself I didn't enough.

It was a perfect night when he dropped the hint. It had been a day of lounging around the grounds and playing a bit of quidditch. The sun was glowing all day, radiating a warmth which brightened up anyone's mood. It was the perfect summers day really. After dinner in the great hall Draco and I had arranged to meet, seeing as it was still wonderfully warm we would just take a blanket to lay on. 

Like any other time, we lay under the stars, shoulder to shoulder, his blond wisps of hair tickling my cheek, and his fingers intertwined with mine. We didn't need to be talking, just lying there in each others presence, listening to the sound of the water lapping at the lake, and the owls swooping over head. Magical. However tonight Draco broke the silence. 

"H-Harry," he started, his usual cheeky smile replaced with a strained, fake one. I was concerned, Draco never talked nervously during their moments. 

"What Draco?" I replied. 

"I-I-I just wanted to tell you I love you. I really do love you Harry." Draco was stuttering and his eyes came over glassy. What was he going on about? 

"I love you too Draco, with all my heart. Is everything alright?" 

"Yes I am fine." The words scraped off his tongue like chalk. Dry and unbelievable. 

"Tell me, something is wrong, I can see." 

"Nothing is wrong Harry, I just wanted to make sure you know how much I love you." 

"Of course, we saved each other Draco." I smiled at him and he smiled softly back, but this time it was different. His face smiled but his eyes didn't. 

Draco closed his eyes. It went back to silence again for a few minutes until he spoke again. His delicate words spilling into the peaceful silence. 

"Do you know what Atticus once said Harry?" 

"What Draco?" 

"That depression is being colourblind and constantly told how colourful the world is." 

Such a simple sentence made me think so much. How was I meant to reply to that? 

"And you agree?" I asked. 

"Yes... But you found the colours to paint me where the world had left me grey." Draco whispered, turning to look me in the eyes. I stare deep into the grey swirling pools, seeing a mixture of hurt, betrayal, and want. 

"You did for me too. After the war I thought I would finally have my shot at a life, never did I think I would find real love and happiness." I replied. Draco broke the stare and closed his eyes again, lying back on his back. I watched as a rabbit bounded out of the forest and came to the waters edge for a drink. After a few moments I turned to look at Draco, only to find him staring at the same rabbit I had been. He had tears in his eyes. The moonlight making them shine and glisten. 

"Oh Draco, what aren't you telling me?" I almost whine, why was Draco acting so unlike himself... so broken? 

Abruptly, he sits all the way up and tucks his knees up to his chin. He looks so young and innocent all of a sudden. Just a small blonde haired boy who had his whole life ahead of him. I tentatively reach out and trace my finger along the line of skin where his shirt has ridden up above his boxers. He shudders at the touch. What? Why was he being so different? 

"I am losing a game I didn't even know I was playing," he finally said. Another sentence that had a much deeper meaning to than what it seems. I don't have long to go over it in my head before he speaks again. "Where is the final destination? When is my final roll of the dice? Have I cheated? Who knows... certainly not me." A singular tear has managed to escape on his final word. I kiss it before it drops off his jaw onto his lap. Where has my Draco gone? This was all too sudden of a change. 

"Draco, my love, where are you? Can I help?" I reach out and put an arm around his slender back. He was cold on a perfectly warm night. 

"I think we should sleep Harry. Out here on the blanket, the sky surrounding us. The moon watching our every move." He whispered, lying back down. I frowned, but agreed, and placed myself down next to him. I don't know what happened after that, we both fell into silence, watching the world stay awake whilst the people slept away. I shut my eyes and had the rhythmic beating of Draco's heart sending me to sleep. The conversation wasn't worth dwelling over when we were both being lured by sleep. So I let myself be dragged into slumber, with an arm draped across his body, and a head full of muddled thoughts. 

I awoke the next day to the total opposite. It was chilly, there were voices, and nobody beside me. Had I slept too long? Did someone come to find me? I open my eyes slowly, and see through blurred vision a very distressed looking Dumbledore and Snape standing a few feet away, discussing in soft, sad whispers. Snape catches my eye and coughs to make Dumbledore stop whispering. Both turn their attention down to me on the floor. Why where they both here? 

"Potter get off the floor and come with us up to Dumbledore's office please. We would like... a word." He sounds stiff and uncomfortable, almost nervous. Which straight away sets me on edge. Why? What have I done? Where is Draco? 

"Er Professor, I need to find Draco and tell him where I am going first." I said, standing up and looking around the area. Snape winced. 

"That won't be necessary Potter. Come this way." And set off up to the castle. I was confused but followed anyway, getting a sympathetic, small smile from Dumbledore. 

I sat down across from both Professors. I was so nervous as to what this could be about, I was wiping my now sweating hands down my crumpled trousers. 

"This is going to be very unexpected Harry, and there really is no way of preparing you for the news of what's to come. It comes great sorrow I have to tell you this but in the early hours of this morning Hagrid found Draco dead in the forest." Dumbledore said, his eyes were full of sorrow, and his words were full of empathy. Was I hearing this right? No this can't be true. My head starts spinning and my mouth starts watering, I feel like I am about to be sick. Snape must have seen I had gone pale and came over to put a firm hand on my shoulder. 

"We know about you two by the way. Miss Granger filled us in this morning. We really are sorry you must hear it this way." Snape admitted, affection filled his voice. My life was crumbling. I couldn't see properly. My eyes were spinning. Huge hot tears were spilling down my face. The last thing I remember before blacking out was Snape handing me a letter and my shaking hand clutching it for dear life. 

I woke up in the infirmary that afternoon. My friends came and were giving me comforting words and advice, but I knew how awkward this must be for them. I had another cry and then a long hug with Hermione. Ron was just as good with his pat on the back and a box of chocolates. Dumbledore came also to tell me that I can stay in the common room for the next few days, and that grieving will mean it could only be easier later. I thanked them all and told them I will be fine. Fine. What a fake, meaningless word. 

The next day I am sitting on a ledge over looking the lake. I hold an unopened envelope in my hands. It was a note for me. This was what Snape gave me before I blacked out, I've had it in my hands ever since. I've been waiting for the right time to read it. I open the sealed envelope, pulling out a long piece of parchment printed with Draco's perfectly spiralled handwriting. Stretching my arm out I drop the envelope into the waters below me, watching it hit the surface and be washed away. Nothing has been making me want to read this. I haven't had an itch or urge to open it since I got it yesterday. Because I know once I've read it, I know that all this will be real. 

 

To my beautiful Harry Potter, 

I am so sorry. 

I am sorry with all my heart. I am writing this not so you will forgive me, but so you know why I did it. I love you Harry. You will find me selfish for doing this. You might even think I don't love you. I promise I am neither of those. This just wasn't my place to be. You did nothing wrong, you need to know that. You saved me just that little bit longer in fact. But I couldn't live like that any longer. My only source of happiness - of feeling alive - being a boy who was capable of great things. I couldn't live in the shadow of you. Do you know what Atticus once said Harry? No? We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick. And I tell you now Harry. I drink too much of that poison, enough that the only thing tying me to sanity was your touch. Your face. Your love. All I was going to do was live behind you. I had no future, and you know it too. 

I ask you, do you ever get the feeling that this life isn't yours? That you have no control? That everyone around you is living and breathing. Watching. Waiting. For what? I wasn't living Harry. But trust me, I loved you. Boy did I love you. You were my everything. My anchor. You could not have done anything better I promise you. 

You go out there Harry, and take every opportunity this world gives you. You deserve everything. I will always be thinking of you. And waiting. Definitely waiting. 

I love you Harry Potter. 

Yours, Draco 

 

I read the letter through twice. Once I was finished I stretched out my arm and dropped the parchment, watching it fall and do the same as the envelope had. 

Isn't it crazy how quick it is to find a soulmate, a person you love, before we take the time to find and understand our own selves. Crazy. I would promise Draco to take every opportunity life gives me but it's too much of an ask. I look up at the sky we both stared so long at in each others presence. And all of a sudden I felt really tired. Like the world had drained me for everything that I had. 

Maybe I should fall just like the paper.


End file.
